[dklevy]

When I read this I thought of something that I put up on MySpace a little while back. So I'll repost it here :

We've all heard that anyone can be a father but it takes a real man to be a dad/daddy. The same goes for a woman even though it's rarely said. A mother is anyone who births a baby. A mommy is the one that is there to nuture, protect, love, educate, discipline, feed, cloth, wash, tuck into bed, cry with, laugh with, screem "i hate you" and know they still love you, everything. A mom I guess is somewhere in between. I know that's not what we are all thinking about when the word rolls off of our tongue, but I think most will understand what I mean.

I started thinking about all this when I've heard people's reactions to my missing Sarah. Some ask if I would ever try to get her back. If I ever did try to get her back or even think about it. Some go the complete other way and say she's not yours anymore. Thankfully I don't hear too much of the later. Most people are curious, ask a lot of questions and are generally supportive. I am thankfull for that as well. I know I am her mother. But she's been with her mommy every day since birth. I didn't place her because I didn't want to be her mommy. I seek her out now because I wish I could at least be thought of as someone special in her life. I wish I could become a mom to her. Someone who she knew was thinking about her and loves her. Someone who she always knows is there. Not the same as her mommy is, but there all the same. Her mommy is the one whose done it all for her and will continue to do so forever. I just wish I could be there to share some of the joys and the burdens.

Then I started thinking about Mikey and Alyssa. A similar thing goes for stepmothers, stepmoms, and stepmommies. But I think this one is trickier. I think any mommy/mom/mother is put in a hard spot here. They don't want there kids to have a stepmother persay. Someone who does for them out of obligation because they are with their father/dad/daddy. But I don't think most are completely comfortable with a stepmommy either. That's when they feel like someone is trying to replace them or overstep their bounds. And being a stepmommy is hardest too. The mommy part doesn't stop at the end of the visit. When you have that mommy feeling you want the best all the time for them and have as strong of an oppinion as a stepmommy as you do as a mommy. And let's face it ALL of us women thing our way is the best when it comes to parenting! But stepmommies can only talk about how they feel and hope mommy or daddy agrees. Right now, regardless of what I'd like to be I know I'm a stepmom not a stepmommy. I think that's where everyone else kinda wants me to be, including the kids. Backing off is hard because I don't really know how many steps to take. I gues as long as I don't go all the way to stepmother it's okay. And I could always go rushing back in if need be.

That's one of the good things. We are not permanently cemented in any one slot. We can become more or less involved depending on what's needed and wanted. Kinda like how we naturally become more of a mom and less of a mommy as the kids get older . But there are times when a senior citizen still needs their mommy and the mom/mother is right back to mommy again!

I think a real mom is anyone who loves there child and does for their child, whether it's there child by birth, adoption, marriage, whatever. I think the most important and sometimes only important person in making the call of who is a mom is the child. Not that if our children we placed don't see us as mothers that then we are not "real".

It complicated and difficult to put it mildly. I've given up really trying to explain it to people who don't know. They will never really understand even if we talk till we're blue in the face.