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I think that it's a good letter and hopefully it will do the trick. I apologize if I sounded a little strong worded in my response yesterday but adoptees take this issue very personally.
From what I read in your letter, I am a bit envious of your sister. Sure she is about to have the foundation of trust in her mother shaken but the reward is a large group of people who want to know her in return. I know that you and some of your family already have contact as friends, but learning that they're blood relatives would only add to the experience.
My only suggestion in your letter, and I may be off base as I am anything but perfect, but I would strengthen the part about older adoptees finding out after the death of their adopted parents. I've always known that I was adopted so I'll never have the experience first hand, but of the adoptees that found out postmortem, so to speak, they all ask "Why did they lie to me and keep this from me."
I think that it is really hard to forgive someone for their actions if they are not present to give their side of the story. If her mother dies and she finds out then the memories of taking care of her when she was sick, putting a band aid on a scraped knee, celebrating lifes achievements, etc... will all be overshadowed by the "Why?" question.
It is in her adopted moms best interest to get it out in the open and explain her side while she can.
Darn. There are no easy answers are there?
Best wishes.
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