[RTS83]

I have always known since a small child that I was adopted. My parents were always open with that fact, I can remember getting annoyed because they always asked " anything you want to know just ask, we have all the information" I always refused because I had such great parents and I just really did not care to know. Long story shortened, I have been dealing with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks and I told my mom one day at work ( she works for my company) and she had told my dad ( he works nights and our schedules are opposite) so my dad calls me to talk and says he would like to have lunch. My dad suffers from the same conditions and he felt it was time to tell me about my birth parents. He proceeds to tell me that my birth mother was a nice lady she has two other children with my birth father and when they found out she was preg. he said I don't want any more kids and he left her. she has been a alcoholic since my mom and dad knew her. so then my dad starts to tear up and said " son this is the hardest thing i have ever had to do, i have been terrified to have this conversation but your uncle (his brother) is your real father. I was kind of shocked, I have met my uncle several times and he even lived with us for a year or so because he had no where else to go. He has always been a nomad and never stayed any where long, he has a child with 2 other women besides my birth mother so we are at 4 siblings already. I know how he was since he as been in my life remotely and my dad always says " i hate him as a man but he is my brother so i love him but i cant stand him" He never had anything at all to do with any of his children, he ducked child support and did not work for 15 years so they would not garnish him, so that's him, I already know him well enough and he still does not see or try or care about the other kids so why would I be different. So that door is closed to me. But my birth mother is a whole new story I have never met her ( or that i can remember) my parents said they took me to see her when I was 3mo old and then when I was about 2yrs old, I have not found out why the visits stopped? My parents tell me that she had a really bad alcohol problem and that all of my siblings have addiction and broken violent families, also after me she had 2 more kids with a different man, so all together I have 7 siblings 5 are half and 2 are whole. On mothers day I went to spend the day with my mom, breaking this news to me has been hard for them, they are scared that i will not love them any more, not the case at all, if not for them I think i would be a gang member in jail or dead like the rest of the siblings (no one is dead but I know and have verified that 2 are incarcerated. So any way, my parents tell me on mothers day that my birth mom did not really want to give me up but my grandma that she lived with told her she had to, they can not handle another child. My parents could not have children and decided they wanted to so they had a foster child that had got to go back home after a year and they wanted a child so they got me. but now knowing that my birthmom did not really want to give me up she was more or less forced to do it, i am confused on should i contact her or not. no one has talked to her in 20 some years and she has a bad drinking problem and lives in the inner city, I am just saying its not a good part of town we use to live around there. so i feel i should let her know that i do not resent her and thank for doing what she had to do, i had a great child hood and loving parents and i have become a successful business man and have a family of my own. but I am scarred that she will want a hand out from me or bringing gang activity to my home and putting my family in harms way or dealing with their stress and their problems. I would love to meet her and try to help some how but I am not made of money, yes we are well off but i am not rich by any means and that is just a fear, but the youngest sibling and i have had some breif contact on myspace and he knew exactly who i was when i messaged him saying that i was doing research on the family name and listed some of my relatives. i knew by looking at his picture and his age and location and name there was a 95% chance he was one of the siblings that came after me from a diff. father. he is a teenage father and has been in some trouble, i feel obligated to reach out and show him some love and guidance but like i expressed my concerns in the matter. so this is the dilemma do i go meet and talk to my birthmom and other siblings or do i keep my distance? any opinions and feed back will be appreciated thank you