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As a hopeful adoptive parent, it really bothers me to see the way other adoptive parents act sometimes. Some of them are very manipulative. When we did our profile, a friend said they wouldn't include hunting/fishing pictures because that might cause us to "not get picked". I refused to hide who we were from the people that were thinking about placing their child with us. I also was really bothered when another adoptive couple told us that they paid a "professional" to do their profile. How can you pay somebody to create something that should come from your heart?
I would rather wait forever than to deceive someone. I know the hurt that couples feel when they are scammed (happened to us twice), but that is no excuse for being defensive in a totally new situation. However, I do know that without extreme faith and strength the adoption process can drive anybody to become a cold/hard person.
I don't think that many adoptive couples really think a lot about the first moms feelings. I guess we have a different point of view because I have three half siblings that were placed for adoption when my mother was young (very open adoption). I really never thought about what my mom went through until we told her about our plans to adopt, and she shared her complete story. She never regretted her decision, but I saw in her eyes how hard it was for her to talk about (even after 30 years).
Being able to have this perspective really makes us realize what first moms go through, and we worry everyday about it. We would rather never become parents than to deal with the guilt of pressuring someone into giving up their child. This has probably been on of the hardest parts of the process for us....
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