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THE COUNTERFEIT SON
Looking in the mirror,
Who is looking back at me?
The photographs display happiness,
A child wrapped in his home.
That is me,
But in reality it can never be.
I am an imposter.
The counterfeit son,
Forever yearning to be real.
But the dream never comes,
Only the nightmares remain.
The puppet made of wood.
The rabbit made of velvet.
Just waiting to live, waiting to be free.
Normality is all the boy seeks,
Feeling grounded in a world he can call his own.
But, it can never be,
There isn’t a home.
Doomed forever,
The disgrace of abnormality.
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I just got finished watching the episode of a television series that seriously warped my mind of thinking and brought numerous fears to the surface. Fears I never thought I had. I looked at family photographs of when I was small and couldn't relate at all to the face looking back at me. My mind was telling me, "you don't belong here, you never belonged here, you're not really their son, you're an impostor, you'll never be normal!"
Eventually I was somewhat able to fight those emotions from taking control, but it was almost like being broken down to gain way for becoming possessed - suffice to say it was really scary. Thus, this poem is probably the most disturbing thing I've written to date.
I have read though that at times adoptees can feel like impostors in their own families, this was the first time I ever felt that and it really scared me. Almost felt like the "shadow self" was starting to possess me.
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