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It sounds like your conscience and common sense are already right on track. Best wishes while you consider this important decision. Please know that just because your mother handled it very poorly doesn't mean that if you decide to go forward with an adoption by your fiance, that you would be doing the same thing to your kids. You can do it ethically, truthfully, and openly. You can protect your kids and also honor and respect their right to know about their heritage and to pursue their own relationship with him when the time is right, if they wish. None of it will be easy, but parenting never is. If you have any questions or need support, we're always here. There are a few other moms here who have had their spouses adopt their children, so they might be of help also.