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LunaSea -
I totally understand your fears. When my daughter was placed with us, I had two biological sons ages 12 and 15. I had concerns about whether I could feel the same love. I truly thought I could, but as the placement date got closer, I got more nervous. I think that is rational.
I have since learned that biology has nothing to do with love. For me, love is an action. I totally chose her to be mine. She is my daughter just as my sons are.
With that said, I will admit that I don't love them the same. My daughter is RAD and she is very hard to love. I have to work at it. But the bottom line is that I would give my life for her.
As far as the save-a-child thing. I did not enter adoption to save anyone. I wanted to be a mom. I had experience with emotional special needs children and I felt that I could handle that. I had the room and the heart for a child. From my experience, if you go into this journey to save a child, you will be very disappointed. When the cute little orphan becomes a raging maniac, you will question your sanity. (and please no one flame me for those terms, it’s just to make a point). The save-a-child motive quickly disappears. The bottom line is that no child wants to think that their parents brought them into the family for noble causes. I do agree that the way you worded your reasons, “for environmental reasons”, makes it sound like it’s a social cause. Hopefully did not mean that exactly has it came across.
I would have reservations about bringing an older child into my home with younger children. People have done it successfully, but I believe that my daughter would not be with me if I had younger children. Her needs are just too great and her behaviors are too erratic. You can try to find a child with minimal risks, but you never know until they are actually in your home a while. Despite what the social workers say, issues are covered up or unknown. I, personally, would not take that risk.
Good luck to you. I think its wise to question these things thoroughly before moving ahead.
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