[crick]

I'm glad you are asking this question because I think too often people just assume they can love any child and it's "not a big deal". Then once the child is home they wonder why they don't feel anything. Neither is "wrong", but I do believe those who question and discuss are far likely to have better results than those who do not.

I don't think anyone can really answer your question but you, however, maybe an "easier" way to answer it is to ask it slightly differently. "IF I adopt a child and I don't think I can bond after a certain amount of time with him/her, can I remain committed and show the love regardless if I don't feel the "connection".

Does that make sense? I would also ask yourself how you view love for a child. Meaning, do you love your children only because they are your biological children? You love all sorts of things about your child and maybe you don't connect on every level (personalities etc.) but you love them. Is that only because of a genetic factor?

As for the "saving a child" factor that has been discussed. I'm of the opinion that no child should bear that responsibility and pressure. It's a lot to live up to if they see or feel that they owe you a life of gratitude because you "saved" them. I believe too that it shouldn't be the SOLE and ONLY reason a person adopts.

HOWEVER - if we really get down to the nitty gritty of the reasons why we adopt can any of us truly say it's only for purely selfish reasons of wanting a family? I say it all the time that I simply wanted a family and that is indeed true. But why didn't I then adopt a baby privately and why did I feel a "pull" towards the foster care system? My heart broke looking at all the waiting children lists and I knew my child was one of them. So there is a bit of "saving" factor I think, although it's not the right word really. (for me anyway) The difference is it wasn't the motivating factor and I don't think it is for the OP either.