[MilehighDad]

I just want to post what I'm doing the next two days. I'm on a solo journey to our new daughter's home state after she's been with us for five months. We're finalizing next month. According to federal law as interpreted by her home state, we can review her file only after she is placed for adoption and before she is finalized.

First off, I just want to make it known one more time that if finalization goes by, many states will no longer let you review your adopted child's file. But, I'm on this because our daughter said a few months ago, "Do you know why I was taken from my mom?" I was completely stunned and had to answer that I didn't really know either. The social workers said she was abandoned, but since none of them worked the case SEVEN YEARS ago they didn't seem to really know either. Somehow, I always thought that social services had a responsibility to make sure a kid knew why they were in care. She's eleven, I think she can understand a few things.

Anyway, I'm dreading this more than I can say. I don't want to see the pain in her life laid out in detail in page after page of sterile documents. I'm worried that the actions of the social workers will seem completely unjustified and harmful, the same opinion I've had of some of the things they've done since we got to know her.

But I know without a doubt that I owe her the chance to know everything I can find about her past. I don't think that is going to make tomorrow any easier, though.



P.S. Ok, no flaming now for the "my mom" above, those are our daughter's words and we learned long ago that the "code" from her or our oldest adopted daughter is that "my" is distinct and personal and means the mom that belongs to her alone. It means her birth mom and we have never had confusion on the issue, my wife is just mom.