[MilehighDad]

Ok Dannie, I apologize for including you in my flaming, in fact I really don't want to flame at all. I have a great common tie with this entire community, with how we all feel about adoption. I just get really frustrated when the community turns on someone who is expressing their legitimate feelings and concerns as best they can, and then they get invalidated for it.

Luna was expressing a very common concern about how she would really feel about an adopted child. I'm glad she's worried and thinking about it, because then she will take the time and make the right decision for her family in the end. I think we all need to help each other work through those feelings, not react and tell people their reasons are wrong and they shouldn't adopt. No one said saving the world was her main reason, in fact what she said most clearly was that she wanted a larger family. It is her other beliefs about the world and her priorities that led her to thinking about adoption. Why are those reasons less valid than the couple who are unable to bear children turning to adoption?

I think I made it clear, but I will vote with the husband that a child is better off with Luna's best committed effort than being left in foster care. That opinion comes from getting to know kids in foster care very well, who all desperately need a family to fight for them with a passion that goes beyond rational thought. Knowing that they belong and that thier adoptive parents wanted them and will fight for them is tremendously important to kids. You'll never cheat anyone that you do your best for, including your kids.

To answer Luna's practical question, yes social services can find a child who is not a known risk to other children in the home. There are no guarantees that come with kids, though, whether they are adopted or born to you. For this reason as well as others, you would be taking less of a chance if you let your kids get a bit older before adopting from foster care. There are no set answers, though, and what won't work for one family and one child may work for another.