[Dickons]

[quote]

Originally Posted by Janeytwo

I know what you mean. Sigh....but it's like the other day my youngest started crying and saying that she was hurt because since I regret relinquishing my kids that means I regret having her because if I would've kept them I wouldn't have met her dad and then she wouldn't be here!!

Whew! The mind of a 13 year old. It is frightening.

Janey, Janey, Janey...she is 13...she is thinking the logical scenario that could have occurred...but the fact that she wants to talk about it just means she needs to be reassured that she is loved and you would choose to have her as your child, and knowing you, she has been reassured...

1. If they're happy with their lives - all of them - not just my children but their parents, siblings they may have now - all of them..........why tread on that? Why bring a past that served no purpose into their lives? I'm not saying my past as far as my children go (I could never regret them) but my history; what happened in my family that led to where I went. Why bring that to people who have no need to know of such things? Am I then stepping off the path for my own selfish reasons and hurting others in doing so? I can't see where that would be stepping correctly, if you know what I mean.

We need our past, we need to understand the reasons, all of them...we need to know that we are not flawed but that there were reasons.

2. In trying to find two children I miss, what am I doing to the two children who are with me? How do I find balance in that without causing pain? I mean, it would simple to say: "S & T I'd like you meet your brother and sister". Who is to say that any of them would want to know each other? And why should any of them have to deal with the emotions or whatever behind that?

It rattles the brain.

You can just be there and allow each of your children the right to own their own decisions, just like you own your decisions...it is up to them how they will react but I think you will be surprised.

See that's what I mean. I was told that my children would never need me like children adopted and raised alone. That because they were together studies had indicated that in their unique circumstance they would have none of the adjustment problems other adoptees sometimes had.

Note to any adoptees who may read this: That's not me saying you guys have adjustment problems. I would never say that!! That's just what I was told back in the day.


I feel like because of this....because they stressed that so clearly....that I have to consider it with every step I take. I was assured at every meeting with counselors (quote loosely from memory): "Your children won't ever need to know you. They have each other. They'll be able to look into each other faces and see physical traits they recognize. They'll have the bond of brother and sister and that will make a difference. They'll never come looking for you."

That they were raised in the same home is in my opinion a good thing but only having validity of self identity in regards to how we look is not the only reason we search. For those who do that desire to know never goes away, it gets buried under life events but always comes back.

Kind regards,
Dickons