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Dear Jill, I read the rest of your story -- congratulations on your reunion with your bmom!
I also was adopted out of foster care, and have now been married for 27 years with 3 adult children. As far back as I can remember, I wanted to be a mom and have children not because I loved kids so much, but because I wanted to be biologically related to another person. As an adoptee, I sometimes felt isolated because I wasn't related to anyone -- having children fulfilled a big part of that need -- I am now complete, one part of a functioning natural family.
I've never been the outwardly affectionate type, but I don't feel distant around my own kids. When they were babies, I read a lot about bonding, and I began to realize that I never successfully bonded with my mom. So I made sure I held them; basically I just followed my instincts. I think they've turned out okay despite whatever mistakes I've made. By the time they became teenagers and young adults, they didn't want mom hanging around anyway.
So I've just been happy that I was able to have my own children -- I was so afraid I would follow in the footsteps of my amom and not be able to get pregnant or carry to term. I don't envy my kids because they are part of a natural family -- after all, this is the way it should be!!!
It sounds like you're doing okay with your own family. Now that you've learned about your brelatives, you should no longer feel that you're the starter of your own family line. Instead you're continuing the lineage. I have found out the identities of my bparents (both deceased), and it's nice to finally have the "real" family tree to hand down to my kids.
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