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I'm also not clear why you have to run all your decisions prior to TPR through this couple. You do NOT need their permission or approval to breastfeed your baby, hold you baby, take her home, etc. while you are still her legal mother. The fact that you are worrying about how your rightful decisions will make them feel and then feeling guilty or selfish when they don't approve concerns me. This is your time to have with your baby and while I imagine it must be hard for the potential aparents, this is the only time you will have with her if you choose to place.
Based on what you have told us thus far, I can't help but feel this match is not a good one for you. I'm sorry to say that, and it's not up to me to tell you to back out, but I see so many red flags here and I feel for you.
Are you working through an agency? And can you look into other couples or the couple that you were originally going to go with??? Please do not feel obligated to the couple you are with now. If you are having this many concerns prior to TPR, I can only imagine what will be after. Also, are you doing an OA or semi OA?? And can you trust that this couple will follow through on what the terms are without freaking out or making you feel guilty or selfish every time you ask for something that was part of your original agreement, or worse, cutting you off completely?? Please, please think this through and do not feel rushed or pressured into anything.
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