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This is what makes open adoption with living birth parents so attractive. there is NO FANTASY to prefer instead of reality.
The reality you know your birthparents and you know what they'd say. You never have to "go leave" because they've been in your life all along.
As far as not wanting to "share" your child....what do you think happens when they get married? A legal act creates a 2nd family for them. The in-laws become the family you must share them with.
And I always wished I was adopted, and I am estranged from my parents. My sister left to come live with me and she's not going back. She found a place that was better/easier/nicer/ and she loved more.
The problem isn't an ungreatful child, it's a dysfunctional family. Children crave stability and boundaries and play time with family members. If your only interactions are to criticize and put down, and you are uninvolved or not nice to be around, then your fears are valid, and it would damage ANY CHILD whether bio or adopted to be in your family.
I think you need to come to terms with sharing your child with multiple families. Because whether through adoption or marriage, or friends, it will happen.
None of them will do the job of "being the parent" but all will be considered family. That will still be your job, unless you do it so poorly that the child's needs aren't met and they must look elsewhere to get what they need.
Another thing is there is no such thing as an "adopted child" or "is adopted". That implies that the word adoption describes the CHILD, rather than the act which brought the child to the family.
You should try to use the words "child who we adopted" or "was adopted".
Adoption is an event, not an adjective. Negative terms can be found everywhere. And although they hurt, it isn't always meant that way.
Parenting, whether through adoption or biological, means that you must do things to encourage attachment, and you must expect hurtful comments and know how to deal with them in a healthy way. You'll need to be able to handle other people coming into your child's life and being accepted as family.
Once you can come to terms with those expectations, you'll see adoption really has nothing to do with your fears.
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