Phew, wow. I've had an incredible past week and wanted to share it with you all.
The Monday after Easter, DH and I picked up my son from the airport to meet my family. It was great to see him again! He seemed older (well he is!) and it was just like the first time, but not as much nerves.
First he met my mom, she was really happy and didn't cry. He has my sense of humor, and got along really well with my dad, especially after a martini.
My mom did get a bit prickly with me later, but I just couldn't take it when she started to say 'all of his parents have done such a great job, you for giving him up blah blah' I had to stop her. I said 'Mom, I understand and appreciate what you're trying to say, but I've got stuff I'm trying to deal with and I can't hear that.' The she said 'and he got to grow up with young parents' I said 'well actually, they are close to your age...' (his Dad is about 8 years younger than my parents). She just got really mad at me! I realised later that she's justified herself not adopting him by thinking he was better off with young parents and not her...Well, It would have not been age the issue with having my parents adopt. Not an option. I feel bad, but that's her thing to deal with.
I had been worried my dad would trash me in front of my son, but he behaved (he'd been tearing me to shreds the 10 days or so before my son showed up). He's now got the perfect grandchild. Fully grown and male,ready to go fishing.
It was good though.
Then my son mentioned his mom...Now bear in mind that she had tried to stop the reunion and had apparently called the adoptive father (they are divorced) when she got the letter I was looking and said 'our worst nightmare has come true...' um, he was 22 at the time, I think the time limit for me to take him back is past! Anyhoo, she now says 'I want them to come over! I want to meet them! Of COURSE I support you in this.' Then she went to rip his stepmom to shreds for interfering...
My son went on to meet my brother and family. My brother was the hardest. He feels like 'but we don't KNOW this guy' I'm also wondering if he's feeling a little jealousy on some level? I know I felt a small amount of weirdness when my niece was born, I was replaced on some level, know what I mean?
He also met my aunt, and got to take some of my late uncle's artwork. And he got to meet one of my cousins. It was great!
I met the girlfriend at Kathy's house. Girlfriend says 'don't worry, mom hates me too!' So we could bond. Horray! She's fantastic btw. If they break up, I might have to keep her on...She says ' OF COURSE you'll get to come to our wedding (when we get around to it)' That made me feel fantastic.
Off we went to stepmom and dad's beach house. What a lovely place! Stepmom is fantastic! We just got along fantastically. Oh, did I mention the bbq she planned? Sunday, 25 relatives to my son and his girlfriend AAAAAAAHHHHH
first we had breakfast and meeting his mom to deal with.
Oh, but first we met his dad. He's hard to read, but because of stepmom I felt like I could be quite comfortable around him. He's very conservative, I like him very much and felt like I could say some heartfelt things to him.
Breakfast + with mom...we decided to meet in a restaurant to help with any awkwardness. I played the good birthmother and said 'I'm so happy to finally meet a's mom' and introduced her to my girls as a's mom...
We then went to her house to look at pictures. Man, that was brutal in some ways. I wanted to look, I wanted to be alone though, I wanted to cry and cry. But I sucked it up and looked as much as I could stand. DS could see I was freaking out. We talked about it later with his stepmom. I was saying how I'd thought about him every single day (to stepmom, not mom) and he said 'nah, you couldn't have' I looked at him and said 'Yes, I did and do' and his stepmom (who lost her son when he was around 12) said 'yes, I'm sure' and he got a bit choked up. Well, guess he knows I love him, right?
Anyhoo, the BBQ. I had a couple of relatives to talking quilting to, so that helped a LOT! Food was great, everyone was nice to me. Stepmom's dad mumbled to me as he left and gave me a hug 'thanks for A' . Very touching. The mom came as well and seemed to shadow me a bit. I felt for her though when someone wanted to take a picture of the 'three moms' she really struggled with it.
Next day was packing and hanging out. Mom came for lunch with stepmom son and my family. My DH says he's never seen me so nice LOL. Well, I had to hold back my sense of humor a bit for mom's sake. She then came in where I was backing and I said I was happy he grew up in such a good family, how I wished I'd been able to have pictures though and known he was ok and wished I'd been able to reassure her I wasn't going to steal him back. We talked about different things, I downplayed the things son and I have in common but she still had to say 'it's environment that determines everything' whatever, right? funny how he and I have the SAME sense of humor and SAME mannerisms.
So, all in all, very good things. I don't really trust his mom (with good reason according to all who know her) but I'll take any good will I can get. We'll definately be visiting them again! And hopefully some of them will visit us.
sorry so long!
love you guys