[AuntMa]

I have seen other's post similar threads, but I have some specific questions and fears so I thought I'd start a new one...

I'm 27 and single but I own my own home and have a full time job. My little sister, at 22, has recently had her fourth child. Her three older children (5, 4, and 3) have lived with my mom on and off for most of their lives, and have been with her consistently for a year now. My sister lives with her current boyfriend and their baby. She has been jobless and homeless on and off for years. Her ex-husband and father to the older children is in prison and may never get out. he is a drug dealer/addict.

All that to say, it is unlikely the thre oldest children will ever return to their parents. my sister has asked me to take custody of them all and my mom has asked me to help more. We have all agreed that although I cannot take all three, I can take the youngest, Lucy.

I am sad about the circumstances, but more than happy to raise Lucy. I told my sister that, for Lucy, this has to be permanent. She cannot continue to move back and forth between homes. She needs stability. I am willing to raise her as my own daughter, but I am not willing to spend the next 18 years fighting my sister for her.

but now, I have questions! so many questions!

What is the best way to proceed legally? For now I want full custody, but I would eventually want to fully adopt her.

If I do get full custody, do I call lucy my daugher? Do I call myself her mother? Do I let her decide when she is older? What do I tell strangers? What does she call her birth mother? how much imput do I give my sister? what happens if the birth father DOES get out of prison? How do i raise Lucy with awareness of her history and with hope for her future? How do I let her know that no matter who I am legally or what she calls me, I am there to support and love her? what do I tell her older brother and sister? what are good ways to transition?

Like I said, tons and tons of questions... any thoughts?