Hey TG!
Big hugs your way this morning!
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I think it might actually be easier for me to have a successful relationship as a single Mom than as a first Mom! But I suppose I just haven't figured out how to navigate that path yet
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For me, I've found - even as a double surrenderer - that the two men in my personal life since relinquishment (my ex and my now-hubby) were both extremely compassionate towards me. In fact my ex-husband and I had met and were friends during the last 2 months of my pregnancy with my son. So he already knew about that - I did tell him about my daughter also. He was nothing but kind.
With my now-hubby, I had planned to tell him straight out one night while we were talking (we were about 4 months into our relationship at that point). I had borrowed some courage from Jackie (though I didn't explain to her why I needed it) and had decided to simply lay things out on the line and then IM her and have a breakdown if it backfired. LOL! That was the plan at any rate.
I figured either he'd accept me or he'd bail but I wasn't going to live my life worrying he'd find out one day. Then out of the blue while I was preparing myself for the big talk, he told me something about his life that he felt I needed to know if we were going to take things further. He said, "I figure either you'll want me or you won't but I can't live with this over my head worrying that somebody will tell you down the road".
!!!!!
So we talked with each other; shared our pain and stories and promised to never use that pain against one another in any of the fights we'd surely have downt the road.
I've found TG that men are far more forgiving than women. (Sigh....outside of my brothers but then our shared history influences their fear and pain every bit as much as it does mine. That family stuff......whooo boy!)
But, truly, the men I've loved and cared about seem to be less judgemental of what I've faced in my life. It's always been women who were the problem which is why when I first came onto this site and posted I waited for all sorts of nasty replies. Shame on me for not having more faith in the good people here. :-(
Anyhoo....As far as the two relationships themselves have gone, I was so far down in the basement in my first marraige that I spent my entire time trying to pretend I'd been from somewhere else. Shiney White Janey was in power. Part of that was ex's disease for sure....but most of it was me pushing the howling pain of relinquishment back into the edges of my mind and heart where it festered.
With now-hubby, it has been different. He listens when I talk about what it was like. And sometimes he asks how "the babes on the forum are doing"
Adoption does affect us but in that I grieve more and he stands by and respects that.
((( TG ))) I understand how very hard it is to finally placed one's heart in someone else's hands and then say to them, "I have something to tell you about my life". Because then you have to wait there fearing rejection. But it's all right you know. There's lots of great guys out there. Lots of princes cleverly disguised as froggies but cute froggies! It's just we ran into some toads in our day that's all.
Love ya much!
