[rd200]

Kaylee, I am not a birthmother but hopefully can answer some of your questions. First, congrats on your healthy baby. Second, it isnt that unusual for a mother to take their baby home for a while to see how things are going to work out if they still arent sure on parenting or adoption. You have plenty of time to make up your mind. IF you want to place later, then you still can, there are no legal reprecusions to placing at a later date. As long as you do an offical adoption. And it sounds like you were doing that with the first couple. It sounds to me like you really do want to keep your baby, that you are attached to him. I would try and take one day at a time. Having a newborn baby is VERY overwhelming, as you said, very emotionally straining, but it DOES get better. the first few days and weeks are scary and emotional for almost everyone who has a baby regardless of their situation.
I'm not sure why the adoptive parents backed out, nor is it any of my business but there are good, loving, wonderful couples whom will want to raise your child. And i believe that although some adoptions dont go according to plan, most aparents aren't going to drop you like a bad habit and definetly are not pediphiles, as suggested. No, you dont know these people, but if you decide that adoption is best you can take as long as you want to find the right couple for your baby.
I hope that you take a very hard look at your situation and that you find a way to make things work. You seem very attached to your baby and if you can find the resources for taking care of him, and feel as if you can parent him, then go for it. If you truly, 100% feel you cannot, then look at your options. Parenting is very tough and emotionally draining, and i would imagine that relinquishing is probably worse. Being a mother is also the greatest joy in my life, and i couldnt imagine my life without my son. Can you imagine your life without your little guy?? I think if you honestly are able to answer that question, then you will beable to make your decision. Please, if you need to talk dont hesitate to private message me. I hope you make a decision when your ready. Dont rush, enjoy your baby right now!!! Things always have a way of working themselves out for the better. Good Luck Rachel