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Hi Emma,
I am really sorry you are feeling so conflicted about your adoption. I understand how you could feel this way. Unfortuantaly many people involved in adoption make someone elses adoption about them and have no ability to see it through the adopted person's eyes. Often we are expected to "understand" the feelings and experiances of those that are either responsible for out existence or life before we are allowed to explore the situation we were put into. A perfect example is the reaction you got from your biofathers wife. An insercure person would react just as she did, a secure person would understand how a 13 yo is not uaully a threat.
How are your adoptive parents with this? It sounds like they have allowed you to explore. Are they supportive of you and your unique situation?
I think in terms of yourselve you need to sit back and work on YOU. Go after your dreams, become secure in yourself and the importance of who YOU are( a result of both bio and adoptive influences) and decide what is really important to you and making your life better. Don't allow others to tell you how to feel, how to act, and be careful ofthose that want you to act a certian way in order for them to feel better. Everyone speaks of love....the old adage that you have to love yourself first is hugley apparent in this kind of a situaion. You need strentgh and confidence to navigate the emotiional minfields that come with being adopted and reunions.
Sometimes its better to wait with reunion so you can build up yourself so you can make the right decsions for yourself and to mange the emotions of others that want you to be or not be a certain way.
Reunions can cause such a problem fortheadoptee because everyone thinks they know what you should do based upon what they want or need...biofamilies may want more, may want less, biosisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, grandparents all have an opinion about one persons birth and existence in their lives. some want to be betheir family, others don't and we are suppose to accept it all as fact.
Thats why I am telling you , you may need to step away and get strong to decide who you are and attain thestrenthg to get itwithout be accused of hurting others ect.
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