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Hm...that is a predictament...I'm a birthmom and have been for 2 years. I placed my daughter with a couple I lived with in foster care. I was 17 when I placed and I have grown to have a great relationship with them, they say I'm their daughter to strangers! its great.
I think the fact the birthmom married someone like that, you can't really judge becuse now a days anyone could be called a sex offender, and you don't know the situation, but because you don't know, I understand why you have to be causcious. I understand you also want to keep the birthmom's connection and feelings in consideration also.
I think that if you decide to do visits, let the birth mother know your conern. That is one thing I can say about my adoptive couple...we have an open and honest realtionship. The adoptive mom has a blk and wht personality and tells me her concerns, fears, joys, everything. I think it helps our relationship.
Phrase your words carefully tho. Say something along the lines of what you desire her relationship to be with your daughter, what your concerns are, and how you should go about solving them so that she gets to establish a relationship, but you also know that your daughter is safe.
Hope this has been helpful.
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