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I would never, ever tell her that YOU want to back away. I know it's hard for you, but think about it in her shoes. Her mom raised her, and has passed. She's got a lot of emotion trying to balance the mother who raised her with the one she just met.
Just apologize for calling her daughter, saying that you understand that her (adoptive) mother raised her and that you didn't intend to hurt her feelings.
After searching and finally finding her, why not just let her have some space, and say you'll always be ready to develop more of a relationship whenever she's ready? And, drop her friendly "how are you" e-mails every few months until then?
She showed she was ready by being willing to meet, but the both of you have to adjust your expectations for everything, how you live, etc. You both have lives, families, and whatever.. and maybe they won't mesh yet. But, you can still make occasional contact to show concern. Hope the situation improves.
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