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Originally Posted by HOPEFULINPA
I think the point that everyone is trying to make is that you need to stop living your life hoping and praying that little girl is coming back. You will never be able to properly care for another child thinking this way. You need to let her go. And I think you need professional help for that. You seem to be convinced God is bringing her back to you. You are going to be continually disappointed thinking this way.
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Poppycock. Children are parented and parented well every single date by parents who have hang ups. They are parented by people mourning the loss of a child through death, through family separations and family displacements. Mourning the loss of a loved one does not stop life....and it doesn't stop our hearts from opening.
Frankly, that kind of thinking just holds foster and adoptive families to unrealistic standards. Somehow we're supposed to give and give and give and give---and by darned we better not ever have tawdry human emotions like anger, sorrow, rage, annoyance, jealousy, hurt.... It all gets back to that "real parent" thing. If her child had been run over by a bus and she was mourning you won't say, "oh, until you give over your anger and sorrow you can't love your other children". Its the same thing. She was this child's parent-mom. Not perfect, and certainly not robot to just hit reset and be perfect parent for the next child. Instead, she's learning hard lessons, and confronting the kind of loss that will make her and her husband better parents-especially foster parents.
There's nothing like knowing what real loss is to help you related to a child who has just lost everything.