[Denise1969]

I'm an older adoptee who has never referred to my aparents as "mom and dad". I was placed in foster care at the age of 6 due to my birth mother suffering from a mental illness that left her unable to care for me. I bounced around in the system until the age of 7 when I came to live with my legal guardians who eventually became my adoptive parents. Initially I tried to call my amom "mom" but it didn't feel right. In fact, it made me feel very uncomfortable. Not because I didn't consider her to be my "mother" but I felt that it would be disloyal and hurtful to my birth mother.

You must understand as older adoptee's we have experienced so much (being uprooted from the only environment we have ever known, to being placed in homes with new parents at every turn) and it can be quite confusing for us to comprehend. It is a life changing event in our lives, even if it's for the best.

I don't believe that a child should be forced to call their parents "mom and dad". If a child is more comfortable referring to you by your first name then that should be okay. Please don't take it personally. It doesn't make you any less of a mother in our eyes.

I love my adoptive parents (although we have our issues) just as much as I loved my birth mother (she is now deceased). I am now 39 years old and to this day I still refer to my parents by their first names.

~Denise