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What a hard position to be in, first to have the joy of connecting with your son and then for him to have such a loss.
My advise would be to listen to him, he is going to need someone who he can talk to about his loss.
If he backs away, I would not push contact at the present time, he is going thru a very stressful time and if he wants contact with you, he will keep contact, otherwise give him the space he needs
It doesnt matter what his mom was like, she was his mom - keep that in your thoughts at all times.
You don't want to say anything negative about her, even is your son does - if you do, it will most likely come back to bite.
Just let him know you are there for him if he needs you.
And remember, this is about your son and His loss, let him know how very sorry you are that he has lost his Mom, he is still young so I think I would try to keep any grief I felt to myself as it's about him right now.
sending prayers
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