I read your words and they were so similar to mine to a point. I began what was called Independant Adoption in 1985. It wasn't legal in most states but New Mexico and New York it was. I left Chicago my home, and moved in with my Mother who moved there for health reasons.
During all the contact between me and the Amother, Lisa, she stated that I would be a part of his life, just not an active part. They assured me I would be sent pictures and just little notes to let me know he was alive and well. I could not go thru with the adoption unless these things held true. I watched others suffer so much with the NOT knowing, I knew as emotional as I am, I could not do this. I was adamant about this and they agreed. One photo and letter a year, not too much to ask for right? Heh..wrong. They lied thru their teeth to get what they wanted, which was my son. I was so young and stupid, I had no idea "grown ups" would lie as they did. I think the odd thing was the comment about paying also for a rehab take a rest trip and would I consider getting pregnant again so my son could have a sibling!! I mean seriously, it was one of those WTF moments that never leave your mind. How cold, how calculating how unfeeling!
I wrote the lawyers on a regular basis just trying to get any information possible. I hit brick walls. One day, I got a letter, a registered letter with a photo of my son and paperwork that stated the judge in N.M. was wrong in terminating my rights on the spot and the adoptive courts in New York gave me more time. Wow, she sent a photo because I was being given the chance to change my mind. And then more words via the lawyers, he was healthy and happy and gave me a name that they said they named him. All lies I believe but they were doing their best to get me back in that trust zone. I waited until the last day before mailing it, hoping this would show them and they would keep their word. But to no avail, when I kept seeking information on his well being they threatened to have me jailed. At 20 years old, what did I know?? They cut me off quick and thats all I know. He turned 23 today and I don't even know if he know's he is adopted.
It's my feeling in your case that she is raging jealous that you gave them something she could not. She cannot deal with it. The only way is to invent lies to surround you and make you feel uncomfortable because she never dealt with her barron issues. If I were in your shoes, I don't think I could've held my tongue or emotions either. It's been 23 years for me and my husband just wants to meet our son's Afather and punch him in the face for lying to us as they did. It doesn't go away, it really doesn't. The pain and betrayal and the worse is, to them , the end justifies the means. Bide your time hon, the day will come when you will be able to explain it all to your baby. Keep a journal, keep all the facts straight. Try not to let emotion muddle it, keep it so you can show it knowing it will be read. I'm sending out a thousand hugs your way because you need it. From one "cow" to another! LOL. That part made me laugh and cringe at the same time
Take care and take the high road.