Dear Loveccl,
I know that you and I got off on the wrong foot a week or so back but I saw your post and wanted to respond.
I hope that is all right.
First off, my sympathies to your son and his sister.
My sympathies also to you in what I can only imagine is an emotionally wrenching situation.
I tried to think of what Jackie would say to you now but Jackie's shoes are so very hard to fill...I fall short of the mark every time I try.
Still I wanted to say that I see your struggle to find compassion for an addict. It is not an easy thing to do on any plane. Addicts wreak such havoc on everyone around them. Their disease pushes them to be selfish, irresponsible and far worse.
Jackie and I spent many nights trying to figure out how to make peace with addicts and their legacy. There are days when it is easier and days when it's impossible. I have learned that addiction casts many shadows and that there will be times when I'm forced through someone else's actions to shiver beneath those shadows waiting for the sun to return.
And you are in a far more difficult position because your son is not physically with you so that you can comfort him the way a mother wants and needs to comfort her child.
But Quantum is right. You can listen to him...provide comfort through your words and thoughts. Words are power in the fight against bitterness and loss.
Also, I thought I'd suggest perhaps reading some AlAteen literature so that if he contacts you with questions about his amom's illness you have the knowledge he requires in order to understand and you can explain it on a teen's level. Not that I'm saying you don't already possess that ability but maybe having Recovery literature behind you will only enhance and shore up what you already know.
What you're living now is one of my nightmares as a bmom. My heart goes out to you.
Respectfully,