[loveccl]

Hello,

As some of you might remember from my post about 2wks ago I just got in contact thru myspace w/ my 14.5 yrs old birth son. Well I just opened up my myspace and he sent me an email saying "So Sad". He said his a-sister went to wake up thier amom and she was dead. I have so much confusion in my heart right now. Yes...the amom was addicted to drugs. Yes, she like we have heard many times promised to keep an open adoption and due to her own issues closed it. Now the woman who I feel took my life my gift and betrayed me who made me feel like I could never trust another lving soul who taught me that "doing the right thing" causes so much pain. The woman who left me for yrs w/ faceless nightmares is dead. My birthson grieves for her yet begs me to console him w/ a simple phone call. I can do it and I will do it. Its just hard you know. Its hard and I need advice. The adad is around but the amom had custody. My contact the Aaunt is in shock I am sure. So I can't call or email her yet. I am asking for advice and wisdom. I'm asking experienced birthmoms what if anything I am supposed to say or do now.

How can I sit here in tears for this woman, but its true I do cry for her.

Hugs...Loveccl/Darcy