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I told my daughter that MOM isn't a name, it's a job title. And that when she lived with S who did that job, then she called me by my first name and her mom....but since she lives here and I do that job, I get that name and we call S by her firstname. Her title is first mom, or other mom, or birth mom.
So from the first little bit, I've been mom. It was a respect thing. Respect for the job I do. It sounds like your dd is in denial that she does indeed have *2* moms. And she needs to understand that when she gets married, she'll gain ANOTHER mom. Adding moms is something she needs to get used to.
Also she may be guarding her heart against another mom to let her down.
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