We are planning to adopt our four soon. The two boys, who we've had the longest, still mostly call me by my first name. The two girls, including a teenager, started calling me mom right away. They all call my husband dad. When each of them came to us, I told them they could call me mom, my name, or mom and my name- their choice. I do 90% of the childcare duties, and much as I remind myself to wait for the boys to start calling me mom on their own, I do feel pained by the fact they don't yet, especially when they called husband dad from day one. I know part of that stems from the fact that I've never referred to him in their presence by his name, but just dad. Also, one of the boys had continued to hope until recently his mother would be able to care for him. He also had been moved so much and had more prior "moms" than he can remember. It feels kinda strange when we're in public sometimes, and some of my kids call me mom and some don't. I so badly want to be called mom by all of them. The love is there, and I'm hoping when the adoption is official, they'll be ready. The psychologist says don't make an issue out of it, but when I become officially mom, it'll be very hard to accept not being called mom.
