[kakuehl]

I have often looked back at that time and wondered how I did it. I know that certain of my life decisions were definitely affected by D's placement. I was a senior in college and took two weeks off when he was born. (I went to the hospital with a suitcase of clothes and books.) I busied myself with my school work and built a wall around myself. I married my husband two months after graduation (looking back, a direct result of the adoption.) DH was a good friend who was with me through the pregnancy and delivery although he is not D's bfather. I didn't have any friends who were pregnant but I did have cousins who were having children. I badly wanted to have a baby although I knew it would not replace D. My husband and I have two children (D was born in Oct. of 72, the others in July 76 and 78). My only advice is live each day, one day at a time, as fully as you can. In my experience it does get easier as time goes on. Understand that the experience has changed you and you will continue to change.