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How do you deal with your best friends being pregnant?
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I had a best friend who was pregnant at the same time I was, who was planning for adoption like me. After she had her baby, she had a change of heart and brought him home. I wasn't due for another 3 months. I remember feeling sad because we were on the same path and supporting each other, and now I was still planning for adoption and I felt alone with it, but also happy for her, and a bit envious that she was able to take her baby home. As it turned out, after several weeks, my friend realized she was not ready to be a mom. She was going to call the attorney to open up the adoption again, when a family member stepped forward and adopted her child. She still got to see her baby, while I didn't have this option, but I learned to not compare myself and my circumstances to my friends. I was pretty well set on my decision, so even though other people had different life situations and choices they made, I still felt underlying everything, I did the right thing in my particular circumstances.
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How do you deal with the wanting to get pregnant again to fill the void?
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I never wanted to get pregnant again to fill the void. I guess I never really felt a void, just that I missed my son terribly and I knew another baby would not replace him. I thought when I got older and met the right person, I would probably have other children. As it turned out, I did not have other children for a variety of reasons, and although I went through a rather long period of indecision about whether I wanted them, I'm pretty well content with my life as it is.
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How do you deal with the strong desire to get him back?
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My son was in cradle care for approx. 6 weeks before I signed TPR, so I had all that time to really think everything over. Before I had him, I was set on adoption and of course, did not anticipate how strongly I'd bond with him after birth. Leaving the hospital without him was excruciating, but once I signed, I knew that was it and there was no turning back. I guess I didn't have a desire to get him back, as I knew it was an impossibility and again, I was very well set in my decision. I missed him terribly, but just held out hope that we'd meet again and I could know him someday. I think having a semi-open adoption was very helpful too, so at least I could see his pictures and know what kind of progress he was making. When I saw how happy and well-adjusted he was, it eased my mind a lot. I wish now, in hindsight, I could have had an open adoption, but I am also a very different person now than I was back then. I'm not sure I would have handled OA very well when I placed my son.
Things are still very new for you. I would give much more time for your emotions to settle and keep in mind, your hormones are also re-adusting, which complicates everything. The first year for me was so very difficult and the grief was the most intense at that time. I would suggest counseling, and I wouldn't do anything rash (i.e. having another baby right now to fill the void you are feeling--that wouldn't be fair to you or the child). Also, try not to compare yourself to your friends, as everyone's situation is different.