[quote=lucky_13]
Call me naive but I am thinking maybe these parents didn't do their homework. I hesitate to say they were not "prepared" because I doubt you can really prepare for this. BUT some due diligence and TONS of research might help, right??
[quote] hmm..maybe they didn't. i didn't...i didn't know enough before adopting my child. knowing more would have helped...i am sure. but now that i am pretty educated, and know how it works, it is still hard to deal with the behaviors. and just today i was telling my dh that at the end of the day, i am just a human. so while i need to be an adult, and i need to be patient, and i know what works and what doesn't, and i know why she behaves the way she does....i still can't believe some of the crap that happens around here sometimes...and it still bugs the crap out of me, and sometimes i don't get it, and sometimes i want to be somewhere else. it is hard. be careful. i think it is easy to read about a child's behaviors on paper and think you can take it....and another thing to actually take it.....again, and again, and again. i think it is ok to be hopeful.
just also be cautious and realistic. in addition to everything else everyone mentioned here, please get someone on your side who has btdt, someone you can call or email the craziest story to, and they will get it. trust me, this whole thing will be alot easier if YOU have the support you need for yourself.
if you feel in over your head, make sure you take a break for yourself. sometimes....you need to be selfish...it needs to be about YOU. because if you do not take care of yourself, you can not take care of her.
9 is young. there is alot of difference to be made in her life. my dd was 8 when she came to live with us. she is very different than she was in the beginning. but the battle will not be over for quite some time.