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Glad to hear you'll be getting some help.
Meds took the edge off, until I could adjust. And it didn't help that any affection, was manipulative affection....and it was how I was raised/abused my whole life....so THAT brought up a whole ball of stuff to deal with in addition to the PADS.
Give yourself permission to feel how you feel. No use piling guilt on top. And make yourself a mantra to repeat whenever you feel a panic attack coming on. I know it's silly, like "Stewart Smalley" from SNL....but it works.
Have someone write you a letter describing you as if talking to a stranger. I had an identity crisis in the middle of PADS as well! This helped me get grounded in myself again.
I also figured out some of my PADS was triggered by my own attachment issues, and I was reminded that when I got married I had a similar reaction on my honeymoon. (poor DH!!)
It didn't help, that she was doing everything to push ONLY ME away. And that she was an angel for everyone else. Also, keep in mind, most bio-parents with 2 year olds, COULD NOT STAND TO BE WITH THEM 24-7. There's a reason you have playdates....so that the kids entertain themselves, while the parents uncoil.
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