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open adoption
[quote=Rylee45]I agree that a letter is a good way to go in the beginning. If you're anything like me, you have to read and re-read and revise important letters. I want to make sure they are exactly right (even though most of the time they are still not right). I love the delete button and the back button. lol
Yea, I know what you mean. I love writing. I can talk up a storm when I write and that is how I want my first contact to go.
I hope you're able to construct a letter that will say what you want to say.
Yea, me too. I think I did o.k. it was about 5 pages long. I didn't say anything about the biological dad; though. If she wants to know I'll help her find him.
I'm a little confused though. You said it was an open adoption and that you've written and called over the years. I always thought an open adoption meant that you were also involved in your child's life through the years and not just communicating through the adoptive parents.
I was allowed to see my bd when she was a baby, but after she turned three the mother used more caution because
she "didn't know how B. would be able to handle it". I was a little dissapointed but I could still call and write letters. and she would return my calls and letters.
After she turned 18 I called the a mom and I was ugly too the mom
and had a bad attitude. My bdaughter was in college and B.'s mom would not give me the name of the school.
She told me it was best to wait until "this girl" was ready and let her be the one who contacts. So I waited 2 more yrs. I called back when she was 20 and this time
had a good attitude. The mom said if B. was there she would let me talk to her. She encouraged me to write her a letter. By now she should have the letter.
I call this open adoption because in a closed adoption there is no contact what so ever, you in most cases don't even know who the parents are. You can't call, you can't write, your not encouraged to contact the daughter/son after they are grown. I just don't know how some one could do that to themselves.
Rhonda
Maybe I'm not up on exactly what open adoption is. I hope the adoptive parents will actually give your daughter the letter you write and send. I just (due to my own experiences) don't trust any adoptive parent who would have hesitations about your talking to your child.
There shouldn't be any hesitation or anger on their part for your wanting to communicate with your daughter to a point you decided to wait another two years. I would be leary about them after that.
The phone call I gave them at first was not a good call.
Like I said before I had a bad attitude. I get on the phone and say right away, "what have you done to her?"
That immediately put her on the defensive and she said,
We raised her , Rhonda, isn't that what you wanted us to do?" I told them also that I was going to find her with
this bad attitude behind it. It just wasn't right the way I talked to them. I was so ugly to them. I ended up hanging up on her.
When I called the second time I had a much better attitude. I and the mom talked for a long time (an hour and a half!) She was open this time to let me talk to B.,
she even suggested it. She even encouraged me to write her a letter. Now I don't know if B. will write me back but at least I got to talk to her. I think eventualy we will be talking together-when she is ready.
I hope all goes well for you.
Thank you, Rylee, I think it will, I just need to have a possitive attitude and keep trying to communicate. Her bday is in June, I'm going to send her a nice bday card with another letter (a small one).
Rhonda
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