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Nicavonn, I’ll share my story with you, not because it’s all about me, but because I believe you may be able to take something away from it.
I am 41 years old, raised by my biological mother and my dad who adopted me when he married my mom. My biological father has never been in the picture and for many, many, many years denied his paternity, even as recently as five years ago when I did make contact with him.
To make a really long story as short as possible, I found one of his kids on MySpace. I messaged him, explaining the situation. I apologized for contacting him like that but there were really no alternatives, as we live in different parts of the country. He didn’t respond. I waited a few months and wrote him again, this time, more assertive. Still, no response.
In the interim, some friends persuaded me to use Facebook to keep up with them. It took me a while to sign up because I don’t like to spread my info too thin out there on the InterWebs The first thing I did was look for my biological father’s last name and general vicinity. I found three, all in their 20s, all looking very much alike. I messaged one who I believed to be a son. Told him the same things I told the first one. He was shocked, but not standoffish at all. He told his two sisters and within a day, I was on the phone with the two girls, learning about them and comparing idiosyncrasies, bad skin and German tempers. I found out from one of them that a month earlier, I was the subject of a partial-family dinner conversation, at which point my biological father finally admitted to his family that he is, in fact, my father. I told him five years ago all I wanted was for him to acknowledge me and to get to know his other children. In addition to the brother and sister with whom I grew up and who I adore, I am now a big sister to 6 younger siblings, all in their 20s. Yes, I feel old, but I also feel like I owed it to myself to take a chance on how they would handle it. Your situation is enough like mine that I am confident enough to say they are your flesh and blood and you can’t stay a secret forever. While I believe there is a bad way to go about letting them know, you can’t really go wrong if you are calm, coherent, factual and compassionate. I would like to say that I have a relationship with each of the six kids, but the eldest three, all males, still will not talk to me. The two girls and the youngest boy are the ones with whom I am bonding right now. We’re still trying to feel each other out, but it’s a process. The other three, I’m giving them their space. If they come around great, if not, there’s not much more I can do. I opened the door and invited them in. The coolest thing on earth is telling people I have 8 brothers and sisters, 2 nephews and a niece. I’ve waited a long time to be able to say that and paid a great price to get here, but in the end, it’s all worth it. Do it for yourself, for the right reasons and leave the rest up to them. They just may surprise you.
If I can help somehow, please don’t hesitate to pm me.
Shirley.
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