[Saya]

Hi t_bdrax,

I think it's great that you posted here! MANY of us have been in similar situations - you are not alone! My daughter came home at 8 months old. Those first few months were some of the toughest I have ever known. I was exhausted all the time. I didn't feel like I was parenting yet, more like I was just some babysitter on 24 hour call. I loved my baby intellectually, but not yet in that bottom-of-your-soul way that parents are supposed to. I had wanted to be a mom SO badly, but here I was mourning my child-free life. My husband and I would end each day on the couch, exhausted, practically unable to speak. I cried SEVERAL times.

(It's not just adoption - I have friends who gave birth to their kids who went through the SAME set of emotions when they first became parents.)

Gradually, gradually I felt like I was on top of things again. It took several months before she trusted me and I trusted her enough that we established a true mother and daughter bond. And now she's a complete mama's girl, and she's the center of my world. I can't imagine my life without her and would do anything for her. But it takes time - and that's OK.

A 2-year old adds a whole extra layer of complication. It may be a little harder to bond with him because we are hardwired to bond with little babies, and you've got a little boy who comes with his own background, personality, history, likes and dislikes, etc. And depending why he was available for adoption, there might be events in his past that make it hard for him to trust authority figures or build healthy emotional attachments. You may want/need to get professional help for dealing with either of these issues. I know there is a lot of stigma out there about getting counseling, but please do whatever you need to do to help you, your wife, and your son during this time of transition.