[Prettyboicris]

Originally Posted by sbaglio

Welcome! We adopted our daughter at birth 13 months ago. The preparation for the adoption was long and sometimes frustrating, but ultimately worth it in the end. Our DD is our first child, so we were "newbies" as well.

We did a TON of research before making any significant steps. Adoption.com was a great resource, and you might be pleasantly surprised at how well you'll fit in here, even though most members are women. I've been fully accepted, and my opinions respected.

Our situation is a bit different, since we are a 2-dad family, but navigating the system as men was still challenging at times. We spent a long time on this forum, reading and learning about the perspectives of all involved in the adoption triad (adoptive parents, birthparents, adoptees). Myths were shattered, notions affirmed, and much learning took place.

We also joined a few online Yahoo! adoption groups, and it was through one of these that we found our agency. We also found our social worker through one of these groups (on recommendations), as well as our daughter's present pediatrician.

Many women on this forum have said that they are the ones who took the initiative in preparing for the adoption; I can't say if that is the same in your situation. But try to stay involved at all stages, if possible. It's always easier if only one person handles the legwork, but the satisfaction with the outcome will be greater if you both stay involved.

Most of the emotional work, surprisingly, comes after the adoption, and not in just caring for your child. Navigating an open adoption (if that is what you end up opting for) has many aspects and can be exhilarating, frustrating, confusing, satisfying...you name it, that describes it. Learn as much as you can about OA before you adopt, and do so for yourselves, rather than allowing your agency to educate you. It's not all roses, as is often portrayed, but not having one can be just as painful for some. It's all about your child, after all.

Let me know if you have any specific questions, and good luck on your journey.

Thanks for the insight. My wife knows I'm better with the online aspect of things so she has left that up to me and she has taken to reading books. I have found that the only men that I encountered were all mostly gay men. While we were taken our classes since we opted for a saturday MAPP classes in manhattan is was full of single women, two gay male couples and then us. We did connect with one of the couples and they have been helpful since one of the guys works for an agency in the city that has a foster adopt program he was able to give us some insight on homestudy stuff. However since he and his partner have never gone through the whole process themselves they admitted to being just as nervous and lost in some areas. They are a little further along as they have completed their home study and are waiting for a placement.
I will say that since joining this site I have noticed that the women here are very helpful and I know that I will fit right in. My wife are full joy, nerves and questions. We are still deciding on the where exactly we stand with open adoption to a certain extent. We are planning to adopt through the Foster Adopt Program in NYC so we know that there tends to be a certain level of openness in that. We know that with regards to Bmom and Bdad not always but definitely siblings and other relatives may come into the picture.

Thanks for the response