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Hmm, I've been watching this thread for quite a while and feel I need to add something.
You say that "nothing" has happened in 3 years.
"Nothing' has ever happened to my son as well. In fact, we were matched with him and his older brother, we were told they were typical, a bit hyper (maybe), needing some help with LD stuff, but all around good boys. "Nothing" had EVER happened. They were removed for neglect. Stayed in the same foster home for 4 years. Surely, if SOMETHING had happened, it would have been caught, right?
Well, that "nothing" turned out to be a lot. Thankfully I didn't have any other kids in the home, but I did have the boys sharing a room. 6 weeks into the placement, the youngest came and started telling me horror stories of what his older brotehr was doing to him at night and when they were alone. My life went from hard to hell is 30 seconds flat.
We had line of sight supervision, alarms on doors and a safety plan. That just made other behaviors rise ot the surface. In the end, after trying everything, the oldest was removed and placed in a theraputic home.
The youngest, my son, would take years to heal. Despite my not knowing it was happening when he came home to me, I was still his protector and failed him those first 6 months. It's been nearly 6 years since then and even now we feel the effects. We lost friends, were alienated from family and ended up having to leave our church.
So, that "nothing" turned out to be a lot for us. I think if you asked around, you'd find that stories like ours are more common that you think.
I don't think anyone here is saying this child doesn't deserve a home. All children do. People are concerned because we have been there done that. Social services DOES lie. Or they may not even know if more was done. A HUGE red flag here is the group home. It costs way more to have a child live in a group home than even a theraputic foster home. Kids aren't placed there for a lack of foster care beds. Kids are placed there because of something that happened where they were before. I know they are telling you his behavior is fine. but lots of very disturbed children do better in non-family situations. Their behavior looks goldne in the home, but horrific in the family.
Only you can decided if this boy is the right fit for your family. The fact that you are asking questions makes me think you doubt it already. Think hard about what Lovemy6 and the others have said. Like she said, you can't UNabuse a child. And once it happens, it doesn't just go away.
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