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Tentmaker, what a great post you have started and just look at the support you are getting. First and foremost, education is the key, whether your adopting or raising birth children. Like I mentioned in my earlier post, read that book about the adoption process and what adoptive children go through as they grow older. The better understanding and awareness you have, the stronger your relationship will be.
If they grow older and as teenagers they walk out on you screaming that they are going to find their real parents because they hate you, then you know what? There was a breakdown somewhere in the parent-child relationship: which often times leads to poor communication. (and don't you dare think that birth-children don't run away, because they do).
One of the most important thing I have learned, through my life experiences and as a supervising social worker, when working with children is that they want to be genuinely loved, cared for, and feel that someone is invested in their lives. If you provide them with these, as well as working hard on maintaining open honest communication, then your child will never abandon you.
Additionally, adoptive children finding or wanting to know who their birth parents are is a natural and healthy process. It has absolutely nothing to do with you as an adoptive parent, but a part of their healthy development. They want to know where they came from (their roots) so that they develop that understanding and confidence that will enable them to look forward.
You know, I am planning on adopting one of my kids that I had worked with, and she's 14. She has absolutely no one, she would not had made it in the foster care system, and all she needed was someone to be genuinely invested in her life. When she gets into college, I told her that we will fly together to Guatemala to meet her birth-mother.
Being an adoptive parent is not for everyone, but as one great American, Collin Powell, said, " We have to start thinking of America as a family. We have to stop screeching at each other, stop hurting each other, and instead start caring for, sacrificing for, and sharing with each other. We have to stop constantly criticizing, which is the way of the malcontent, and instead get back to the can-do attitude that made America. We have to keep trying, and risk failing, in order to solve this country's problems. We cannot move forward if cynics and critics swoop down and pick apart anything that goes wrong to a point where we lose sight of what is right, decent, and uniquely good about America." We need to start working together, changing our way of life from 'I' to 'we', and ensuring the well-being of our children.
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