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I will second what kretz said. Mine was also international so I didn't have a lot of time and there is no help or respite when do international. I am two years out and I am just now to the point where I am falling in love with my son. The commitment was there, but honestly, sometimes it was hard to love him. So I learned to fake it. (we also were dealing with RAD) I also had guilt as I had three other children that were affected by his first year. Well and I had my two nieces living with me for a year in the middle of his two years of being here. So it was an interesting dynamic. He told me the other day when we were having a talk about when you love someone that means you want good things for them, not just that they do what you tell them to. He thought about it and very seriously told me that he thinks he loves his dad then, but not me yet, but he is "used" to me now and wants me to be his mom. That is progress. Yes, it still hurts to know after two years of doing everything for this kid that he doesn't love me, but loves dad (who was at work all day every day and does not get the brunt of the behavior! sorry that's a whole other post, LOL) but I have to remember he is a child who has been damaged by his past. I was told that it would take one year home for every year in the orphanage for him to heal. Of course since he was six and half, I am thinking that just sets me up to go straight from this stuff into puberty, oh fun! LOL, also don't forget to laugh. My dd and I one day did a behavior bingo that I got from someone on this sight. I wrote down a bunch of his behaviors that he did at meal time and gave my daughter and I each a sheet and some buttons and we played bingo, we got to mark a spot whenever he did one of the behaviors and then we high fived and stuff. It made him mad, but it made us laugh instead of cry.
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