Thanks for your reply. It is nice to know that I'm not alone in feeling this way. I have been completely honest with all the "professionals" involved with our family. The problem is that I don't know if I will be okay if things stay the way they are....because the lieing/manipulation (which is our biggest problem) makes it so hard to feel close to him. It seems like as soon as I start to feel something more for him, it happens again and I feel like I'm back to square one again
. The agency has told us to put the "adoption" on the backburner and take it day by day. We have been doing that but then the guilt comes in when I think, but what if in say 6 months from now we STILL don't know...then what? It is such a strange, unfamiliar place to be in.