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I agree with the others. You are not ready yet. It does sound like this is all about you and that just is not fair to the child. If you raise a child with this suspicion and this negative attitude, they very well will feel it and it may keep you two apart.
Children who are adopted come from other parents. That is what adoption is about. You can't erase that, no matter how hard you try. Not if they are dead, and not if they are living in another country.
My children are not even the same race I am, they look nothing like me yet I feel just as real as the next mom. They KNOW we look different, they have questions but my biggest concern is THEM. How do I raise them to be confident and proud? How can I be there for them through the times they wonder about the birthfamily they come from?
I love my kids so much it's scary. I know they feel that. And curiosity about their birth family says nothing about me or their love for me. I can either choose to help them through it and support and validate their feelings or I can make it about me and try to shut them out.
If I tried to shut them out and erase their past, I wouldn't blame them for running off to find family who understands.
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