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Then tent, the adoption is all about you and not the child.
If yoiu don't see them as your "real" child, if they can't see thenselves as "real" with the fact that they were born to another family...then it probably won't work for you.
BTW...there is no one saying that adoptive children just leave for better pastures. Thats doesn't happen often...most of the time adoptive children consider theior aparents to be their parents....if in fact the parent is able to raise them to feel "real" and not beholden to the adults that chose to rasie them......Most of us adopted peole feel very grateful for our parents....because they parenting us...as "their, real" child. Because they allowed us most of the time to be who we were "really"...that is born to one and raised by another. I think the most successful adoptive parents respect their kids for the people they are..whether they are acting like the 2 yo they are, 10 yo they are or the teen brat that they may be..they deal with it and understand that its devoplmental and act accordenly and get get out of their own skin and parent.
My parents did 4 of us and not one of us went running home to biofamilies and we are all in our 40's and 50's. All but one found out who their bioparents were and it was NEVER to hurt our parents but to help ourselves and our children.
I think its kind of scary for any child to come into your family through adoption and you are already looking at them with suspicion that they are going to run to their bio..not that they need parents that love them unconditionally but that they will hurt you. Its kind of telling me that adoption is more about your wants and needs as opposed to the childs.
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