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I have a few thoughts:
First of all - anyone who expects gratitude from a teenager (adopted, birthchild or alien) is going to wait for a long time. Like years - maybe decades. Unfortunately, it's the nature of the beast.
Secondly - If you have having children (again, adopted, birth or alien) solely for their company in your old age, you may be very lonely. Sometimes they stay around, sometimes they don't. Sometimes they leave and come back and sometimes they leave and never come back. Each is his/her own person, and will live out life the way they choose. You are their parent, but you can't control how they are as adults.
I do want to step in a bit with the whole 'find my parents' issue. I fully understand why an adoptee would be interested in finding his/her birth family. However, I fully and freely admit that it wasn't something I wanted to cope with, and that's why I adopted internationally. I have told my son (now 25) what I know about his birth family, but the circumstances of my daughter's birth were such that no one has any idea or will ever know who her birthparents are.
That does bring up a whole host of other issues with these kids, and I'm not minimizing their loss. I have told my son that I fully expect him to be really furious at me for taking him away from everything he ever knew. I will NOT apologize for adopting him, but can understand his anger. DD is only 10 and no where near asking those questions.
I hope someday that both my children can go back to their birthcountries and learn more about their heritage.
Just please be a little more understanding of those of us who chose a different route to adoption in part because we never wanted birthparents knocking on our door. It doesn't make us any less of a parent.
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