[bethy724]

Please look a little deeper in your interest in adoption. Your child will hate you in their teen years (sometimes younger) wheather you give birth or adopt (a child w/ live or dead bio parents)

I would NEVER compete w/ a decesed parent. You will compte w/ your wife, grandparents, a favorite teacher, a neighbor & of course all of your childrens friends "perfect parents"

When you adopt - that child is in YOUR family. Yes, they have biological ties & family that can't be ignored but embraced. If you can't wrap your brain around that you should hold off & pray on it or continue on this site for some guidence. There are PLENTY of people that cut off their bio parents - there are no guarentees in life that if you give birth that entitles you from being abandoned. If you raise a child as if they are temporary (to save your own feelings) they will be temporary. Kids take the lead of their parents & can tell when they are being held an arms length away-I've seen it w/ my own eyes. My son was accepted the second he was placed in my arms by my family except for 1 aunt-she was going to wait until after the adoption to be called "aunt" well even at 2 years old when she flipped the switch my son didn't follow - kids (babies) are smart-she lost the 1st 2 years of his life protecting her feelings & lost a nephew for life.

7-11 years ago I couldn't grasp adopting - loving a child that wasn't "mine" I get it & have lived w/ those feelings - I had to work thru them before I could be a mom, now I can't imagine loving a person more - I don't think I could love a person that I gave birth to more-it't not possible - but it took me years to get here & it sounds like you need some time & a little more information than one friend that adopted. Look at people w/ bio kids - they may not to be a quick to air their families dirty laundry - but their homes are far from perfect.