Quote:
|
Originally Posted by tentmaker1040
We were talking yesterday and I told her I might be willing if there was a "stipulation"...adopt a child who's parents are deceased. She wants to adopt a 5 or 6 year old which actually makes it harder because they will already come with adjustment problems. They now have to adapt to new rules, routines, beliefs, friends...
|
It really sounds like you are struggling with the idea that your child, if you choose to adopt, will have other family besides you. This is definitely something you would have to come to terms with before adopting. Regardless of whether an adopted child's first parents are alive or deceased, they still have another family. And it may seem that they don't have anyone to "run to" when they're mad, but they still have an "other", a family that isn't you. I have seen alot of parents through adoption try to deny their child's birth family's existence and it just doesn't work. Alive or deceased, whether you know lots or little about the child's other family, they still exist. That's reality.
And yes, an older child will come with some adjustment issues. I might add that these issues most probably would be magnified if the child came to be adopted because their first parents died... just something to think about. If the first/birth parents are not available, there is no chance for reconciliation of the child's feelings. I know we will be dealing with this in one of our children's lives, maybe both, as we don't know the identity and/or location of some of their first parents. IMO it gives a family through adoption one less piece of the puzzle of a child's life.
I urge you strongly to continue to ask questions and think things through. These are weighty issues and I appreciate the fact you are asking the questions and voicing your concerns.
May I recommend that you seek out counseling by someone who works with families who have adopted/are adopting an older child from foster care? I know that before our homestudy through children's services was able to start, we were required to do many hours of "training" which really helped us gain some perspective on what we might be facing by adopting first of all, and then, adopting an older child from foster care.