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Originally Posted by tentmaker1040
We were talking yesterday and I told her I might be willing if there was a "stipulation"...adopt a child who's parents are deceased. She wants to adopt a 5 or 6 year old which actually makes it harder because they will already come with adjustment problems. They now have to adapt to new rules, routines, beliefs, friends...
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the deceased parent adoption is a)not very likely, but b) so much harder than contending with an alive parent....i think. i have 2 kids we adopted whose primary parent is deceased. i am compared to that parent more than any other parent of any of my other children. bc that parent is no longer alive, the children have chosen to forget her less-than-appropriate parenting style and the negative things that happend to them while in her care. she will ever be immortalized as the perfect parent that i will never measure up to. every anniversary of her death is AWFUL around here. the fall out starts a week before. it is not fun. plus, just bc the parent is deceased, doesn't mean the child will not want to search for first family members when they are older- siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. you can not adopt a child and expect that they will never wonder where it is they "came from," even if both of their birth parents are deceased. i don't mean to burst your bubble, but just want to share what i have learned.
i encourage you to pay attention in your adoption training, and ask LOTS of questions. trainings can be very helpful...and can be a time that you can get answers to your questions and decide if this is for your family or not. adoption is not for everyone, and that's okay.
