[fcsw78]

From my viewpoint, as a mental health professional, you have to understand that this is a normal process for adopted children, especially as they enter their adolescent years. Your friend should have looked into therapy when the child was young, but can still start now to allow the child to better understand. Or if you decide to go with the adoption, ensure that is included in the package.

Adolescent is a difficult stage, going through both emotional, psychological, and physical changes. Adoption is a complicated issue: birth parents, adoptive parents, real parents, adoptive daughter, real daughter. According to Erik Erickson's theory, our lives are broken up into various stages. The adolescent years are when one forms his or her own identity (by integrating the past, present, and future). In order for this particular child to form her identity, there is a need to know where it is that she came from. Does this mean that she will abandon the adoptive parents and go to her birth parents? Not necessarily. She will most likely realize the different meanings to all of the terminologies and come to terms that though her birth-mother may have given her life, she was never capable of being her parent (whatever the reason may be).

My advice to you, is to be educated and read, The Family of Adoption, by Joyce Pavao. This will help you with your anxieties and allow to you to gain a better understanding.

Most importantly, when your adoptive child questions their past, do not try to hide or abandon the topic all together. This is a normal process that they will face in their lifetime, girls will start to look for birth-parents sooner than boys, a need to understand where it is she or he had came from. So do not take it personally, like you have failed as an adoptive parent. Communication is the most important aspect of any relationship, so make sure to develop and maintain that with your adoptive child(ren).

Hope this helps.