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Originally Posted by tentmaker1040
It's not that I don't want them to meet their biological parents, it's just having them move on with their lives like I don't exist any more. My own kids, if God forbid go through some crisis, they will come back to us because we are their parents. I just don't want it to turn in to "Well this was temporary but now we just need to move on with our real lives. Our real parents are great. You could win the lottery, be elected to office, or go down in plane, we'll just forget all the effort. Biological kids will always come back...no guarantee adoptee's will ever return.
And I refuse to apologize for being hesitant or asking questions or not understanding it all...that's the beauty of life, asking questions!
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Don't apologize for being hesitant to adopt. I think it is healthy to explore all these things before making such a monumental choice for your family. Believe me, we asked tons of questions about all this before we made the decision and in the end, it was still a leap of faith, but we did the best we could to know as much as we could about what we were choosing to do.
I will respectfully disagree with your statement that bio children are GUARANTEED to return home no matter what. It just isn't true based on my own family experience and the experience of many families I know who have children estranged from the family. One of my family members (everyone is biologically related with the exception of my children both of whom were adopted at birth) is terminally ill and doesn't have much time left and that hasn't been enough reason for another family member to return home. If that isn't reason enough, I don't know what is. For me, that example alone disproves your statement.
And furthermore, parenting is risky. It's hard on the heart. And it doesn't matter how your children join your family. Yes, children who were adopted have some different issues they might be dealing with, but there are no guarantees. We as parents are raising people with free will, with the ability to choose who they love as much as the didn't get to choose who would love them. It's just the way it is. Do I fear that my beautiful daughter and precious son will someday say the words your friends heard from their child? Yes. But honestly, I expect to hear them. I expect it to be a part of the process of them reconciling who they are and the choices made on their behalf before they were able to make choices themselves. But I can't live in fear that they might leave me someday... that wouldn't do any of us any good. All I can do is be the kind of parent with all my faults, and as frustrating as I am to them already sometimes, and trust that we will face whatever we face head on and together. Emphasizing the together.
And one last thing, just remember that whatever child joins your family whether via biology or adoption, they will be your OWN child. Either way, they will be as REAL to you as your child as you are to them as their REAL parent. That to me would be a starting place in making this decision... would you be able to see a child born of another and adopted into your family as your REAL child?