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Tent, my husband is both adopted and an adoptive dad. I don't know what the heck he said to his parents as a teenager and I wouldn't be surprised if he maybe said the same things your friends' son said. I also can't imagine a son that is closer to his parents than my husband (too close, some might say...my MIL is like Marie in Everybody Loves Raymond!!). My husband also has "reconnected" recently with his birth mom. I can only tell you again from personal experience this had nothing to do with the love he feels for his adoptive parents. In fact, I think the reason he was able to pursue reconnecting with her is because they have always loved and supported him.
I understand your concerns....as a parent, everyone wants to feel like they are "enough." The reality though is that adoptees DO have two sets of moms and dads and their desire to know their birth parents should never be viewed as a "disloyal" or "ungrateful" act, imo.
Anyway, welcome to the forums. Stick around. Meet with some adoptive families IRL, etc. I think you'll see that they are just "normal" families like anyone elses (well, I can't say mine is so normal some days..haha).
PS: I just wanted to add a quick story about what to me a "family" is. One day we were on vacation at a restaurant with my inlaws. My daugther was eating off "Papa's" plate, I was trying to get her to stop, my MIL was saying, "she's just a baby!," my DH was cracking up. Anyway, I looked around the table and just welled up and cried. Not one person was related biologically to another at that table and if anyone dared suggest that we weren't the happiest family in the place, they would have a watermelon between their ears!!
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